Homage to the Heroes
by jerseygirl353
Summary: Harm learns that Heroes are the inspiration in which we hold in our hearts.


_**Homage to the Heroes**_

1401 ZULU  
JAG HEADQUARTERS  
FALLS CHURCH, VA

Juggling a wet umbrella, his briefcase, a sopping overcoat, his cover, and a bagful of bagels (it being his turn to supply the morning munchies) Harm sighed with inward relief as the elevator door opened on his floor. Trying to keep from dripping on the four other people in the elevator had taxed his spatial skills. His relief didn't last long, though, even as the other occupants of the elevator scattered. There at the open door, obviously waiting for him, was Tiner.

"Sir," the petty officer said, anxiety clear in his voice, "the Admiral needs to see you soonest!"

Nodding agreeably, Harm headed for his office first. "Soon as I get rid of this wet stuff, Tiner, I'll be right there."

Tiner pursued him across the bullpen. "Uh, sir," he persisted, "the Admiral really wants to see you right now."

Sturgis, who had entered the bullpen three steps behind them but was dry and unencumbered and had obviously arrived some minutes before, seconded Tiner's concern. "The Admiral wants to see senior staff right now, Harm."

"Fine," Harm agreed with his most personable smile for both of them, stepping into his office. He dumped the bagels on the desk, dropped the briefcase in a chair, draped the overcoat over the coat rack instead of neatly hanging it on the hanger available, and parked his cover on the console beside his desk. Turning, he picked up the box of bagels and pushed them into Tiner's hands. "Deliver these to the breakroom, OK?" he said, then moved off to catch up with Sturgis, only a few steps ahead of him just as Mac came out of her office, too.

"So, what's up?" he asked both of them impartially.

"Dunno," was Sturgis' cryptic reply as they walked under the bank of monitors at the side of the bullpen. "I listened to NPR as I was driving in this morning, but didn't hear anything guaranteed to sink the Navy."

"And there weren't any explosions on the TVs that I saw," Mac contributed, tongue-in-cheek, as they entered Tiner's office.

Raising his eyebrows, Harm reached out and knocked politely at the door of the Admiral's office. "Well, I guess we're about to find out."

"Enter," came the Admiral's voice in response to Harm's knock.

The minute they stepped into the office, all three of the senior officers realized that something was definitely up. The Admiral was not seated at his desk, but a single letter lay under his reading light. Instead, he stood in what they all recognized as his thinking place at the window. He had turned back to the office to see who had arrived, but had to have been staring out at the chilly, rainy morning, probably seeing very little of what was outside his window.

"Good morning, sir," Sturgis said, coming to a halt and standing easy.

"Morning, sir," Mac echoed, taking the same stance, and Harm nodded to the Admiral, also taking the pose.

He nodded back. "Appreciate your promptness," he remarked, his eyes going to the letter on his blotter. He sighed noticeably, then added, "You'd better sit down."

All three of them traded swift sideways glances, then took a comfortable leather chair in front of the desk and waited to be enlightened.

The Admiral moved more slowly than usual as he seated himself at the desk, put on his reading glasses, and then looked at the three of them.

"I've got some really bad news," he said quietly...

"Retired Admiral Thomas Boone was killed four days ago in An Nasiriya along with two Marine escorts, a Major Cynthia Gibbons and a Sergeant Roy Akins

A gasp was heard in the room, A.J., adjusted his glasses and continued.

Tears formed in Mac's eyes, she had roomed with Cynthia in Okinawa many years earlier.

Strugis's jaw dropped at the startling news. Admiral Boone had been a mentor to many, Sturgis Turner included.

"Admiral Boone served as a civilian liaison to the SECNAV in the restructuring plan of Iraq."

A.J. stood up and walked to the front of his desk, his voice showed an emotional waver.

"The forensics indicated a bullet caliber recently manufactured in the United States. The gunman, an Iraqi special forces agent was caught and is in military custody. The gun in his possession was traced back to a specialty weapon used by Navy SEALS."

Harm's face went pale white, his look stoic, his body slumped listlessly in the chair. His head, now, rested in his hands.. Mac reached out and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Listen up people! The Navy has kept this under wraps from the press for four days. This morning a ZNN reporter, somehow managed to get briefing notes and released the story. This is a hot one." A.J. surveyed the reactions of his top JAG team.

Softly A.J. cleared his throat and managed a few words of comfort.

"Harm, Admiral Boone was a good soldier, good friend. Colonel Mackenzie, Major Gibbons was a fine Marine, dedicated to the Corp. I'm aware of your past station assignment together. I'm truly sorry, Sarah. Sturgis, Sergeant Akins was a dependable aide. Your mentoring allowed Roy extra-ordinary opportunities. They will be missed."

The Admiral allowed a few minutes of silence before his voice raised in temper and pitch.

"Your assignments, Commander, you will report to Langley at 16:00 ZULU today. Sturgis. you will accompany the SECNAV to White House, a briefing will be held in forty-five minutes. Colonel, we need to look at the current workload and reassign cases. Two JAG lawyers from San Diego will be assigned temporarily."

A.J. looked at Harm, inhaled and said, "Harm, you will be flying in the Missing Man formation, tomorrow is the funeral. Sorry about the short notice."

Harm responded in a hushed and controlled voice "Thank you, Admiral."

"Well. let's get moving! We have traitors in our midst."

"Dismissed."

Harm rose quickly and left the Admiral's office, He flashed a half-hearty smile to Sturgis and Mac. She saw the emotional pain in Harm's eyes, her heart knew of the conflict that was building in Harm. It was his father's death all over again.

"Colonel, stay and we'll review the case load." A.J. asked, "And Mac, check on Harm. See how he's doing before he leaves."

Tiner poked his head into the Admiral's office, "Commander Sturgis, The SECNAV's driver is here." Stugis turned and left, his mind filled with memories of Roy Akins and the difficult task ahead of him.

Harm gathered his cover, briefcase and tried to make a fast exit.. Mac caught him as he left the bullpen.

"Harm, call me tonight when you get back from Langley."

Harm looked up and flashed Mac a sadden look, his thoughts elsewhere.

"OK" was his reply.

0300 ZULU

HARM'S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

"Ten hours in a meetings, two hours drive time, What a lousy day!" Harm blurted out as he entered his apartment. He threw his briefcase and cover on the kitchen counter, walked over to the sofa and slumped down. The day's events exhausted him, his feelings began to overwhelm him.

A sudden knock on the door startled Harm.

"Harm, Harm?. Mac called out. " I see your car is outside. Are you home? Harm?"

Harm jumped up, wiped the moisture from his eyes and went to open his front door.

"Hey? What are you doing here this late?"

"I told you to call me when you got home. I've left you messages since six o'clock" Mac stated as she walked into Harm's apartment, two large bags of take-out food in tow. "The Langley meeting went on and on. I just got home half an' hour ago." Harm closed the door and walked into the kitchen. He moved his briefcase and cover to the bookcase.

"I brought you some pasta from Vinnie's, I figured you didn't have a chance to eat." Mac placed the bag of take-out food on the counter, and started to set out the aluminum containers of food for two: pasta, salad and bread. Harm opened his refrigerator and remove salad dressing and butter.

"Thanks, Mac, last time I ate was the bagel from this morning" Harm sat on the counter stool. "I'm starved!" Mac sat next to him, handed him the bread and salad dressing.

They proceeded to enjoy a late meal and discussed the reassignments of the current case loads.

Once finished, Harm began to clean off the dirty dishes off the counter. "Here, let me clean-up." Mac offered, "You had a long day." She began to clear the counter and rinse off dishes, cups and utensils. Harm walked over to the window and looked out. Again, he became lost in his thoughts.

"Harm, are you OK? I mean………." Mac walked behind Harm and placed her hands on his shoulders. Harm turned, she could see the full impact of the day on his face. "Harm, let's talk about today"

"Mac, I'm reliving my father's death all over again. I thought I had it buried away, safe from the world." ." Harm watched his reflection in the window as he talked, his voice hollow, monotone.

"Tom Boone was like my dad, he was proud of me, challenged me, watched my six."

Mac gently and very tenderly rubbed his back. In a reflective mood, she began;

"Harm, we both have careers that see the ugly side of humans, too much hate, too much death. But, when is there one death too much? The one loss that puts us over the edge, that 'let's us confront our mortality and face our past'. For me, it was Dalton. His death put me over the edge. I lost it Harm, it caused me to leave that safety zone, of that special place inside. I turned to alcohol to deaden my emotions. That caused me to shut down from all involvement, even that special involvement between us. Later, Mic came along at a time when I was vulnerable, when I needed someone. You see, Harm, I needed time too."

Harm turned and Mac put her around him, they embraced each as the tears they both fought off all day began to appear. Later that night, she comforted his loss, his pain. In each other, they found a new strength, a new bond in togetherness.

1030 ZULU

HARM'S APARTMENT

The alarm rang and woke Mac. She gathered her belongings and made a mad dash to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she found her keys, walked back to the bed and kissed Harm goodbye.

"See you at Arlington National"

"Sarah, I……", Harm replied back, the needed words were trapped, caught in his throat. He offered her an embarrassed smile

"I know, Harm, I know." Mac replied softly as she returned his smile. "And be careful up there." She added before she left to return to her apartment. Harm walked over to the window, a huge grin on his face. He watched as she entered her car and drove off down the road. Harm glanced at the clock, saw the time and quickly showered, dressed and left for the airfield.

1315 ZULU

ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY

ARLINGTON, VA

The press received news of the funeral and gathered at Arlington National Cemetery Military police were needed to keep the burial private and the press crowd under control. The Admiral, Sturgis, Mac and Bud represented JAG. A full honors funeral proceeded, the flag neatly folded and presented to Admiral Boone's next of kin. The startling sound of the gun salute shook the ground.. The sad sounds of taps being played produced tiny sobs from the crowd. Arlington lady presented the card of condolences

Overhead, the F-18's flew by, in tight formation, then suddenly……….

Harm pulled back on the throttle, the plane's nose pulled skyward at a 75 degree angle. The G-forces pushed Harm and his RIO flat against the seats. Harm's thoughts began to drift away from the duties at hand. Responses to Mac's words bounced around in Harm's mind

'When is too much, too much? How many losses, How much grief can a person live through without it causing some kind of damage?

Jordan, Luke, Dad…………Little Annie……Tess McGee… Rosco ……….Diane……so many others…….

Over the headset, the RIO screamed, "Commander!" The loud scream jolted Harm from his thoughts.

"Harm!", another voice-a distant familiar voice of the CAG-Tom Boone- echoed in Harm's senses. Harm shook his head and looked down. The instrument panel's warning lights blinked a fiery red, alarm indicators rang incessantly. Instinctively, Harm use the throttle to bank off, clicked reset switches and tried to keep the plane from stalling out.

"What happened?" barked the RIO, "Commander, we almost screwed the pooch back there!" Finally, the F-18 stabilized, the RIO plotted the coordinates to return to base. Swear words filled the cockpit in various combinations-many regarding the competence of older, has-been pilots.

"Must've grayed out for a second.", Harm responded back, but inside, he realized he lost it, he lost his edge.

The rest of the flight continued in silence.

1725 ZULU

ARLINGTION NATIONAL CEMETARY

ADMIRIAL TOM BOONE'S GRAVE

Harm drove up in his SUV. Mac was seated on a bench under an elderberry tree. In her hands, she held a loosely gathered bouquet of flowers and pulled the petals off, one by one, her mind elsewhere-in deep contemplation.

"Mac, What are you doing here? I thought you would go with Bud and the others."

"Nah, I knew you would come here after your flight, so I decide to wait." Mac stood up, walked over to the SUV and opened the door. "Come on out."

"What were you doing for the last three hours?" Harm asked as he exited the SUV.

Mac curled her arm around his and escorted them both to Tom Boone's grave.

"I got to thinking," Mac waved her free hand around the expanse, ."This is a good place to think, it's quiet and I'm surrounded by heroes, warriors, good men and women.. It's a great place to remember, to leave memories-good and bad. And, I decide to leave all the painful losses, the grief, the memories- in one place." She moved over to the nearest walkway and gestured.

"I walked down this path and by a few headstones. I thought of Eddie and Chris, an' while they both weren't heroes, they had a certain bravery between them. They loved me and rescued me from a bad situation at home. Knowing them allowed me to take a good look at myself, to change. Eddie and Chris were the only heroes I knew when I was younger"

Mac embraced Harm's arm with a tighter grip and continued with her reply.

"I walked down one row and then another, stopped when I felt the need to place a flower by the brave soul that gave his life for this country. I remembered my father and how difficult, No! Impossible, it was when I lived with my parents. I recalled how it felt to forgive my father. And my memory of Dalton, I placed a single flower on the gravesite of a Civil War soldier in tribute to Dalton" Mac looked at Harm, again, tears started to well up in her eyes. Harm reached for some tissues in his pocket. Mac continued, a broken quality to her voice. "No? You can't call the people I lost, heroes, that's far from the imagination-but they live inside me day and night. They were there for me once and now it's time. Time to lay them to rest and move on with my life. This place is as good as any other-to bury the past and start anew."

Mac stopped, before them was Tom Boone's grave. "Try it, Harm, Try making peace with your past."

Mac bent down and picked some simple flowers from the mass of flower baskets in front of her. She handed the flower bouquet to Harm, "Here, place a flower, say a prayer, leave the pain behind. It works, Harm, it heals."

Harm's eyes met Mac's eyes, the silent communion between them spoke of a deep understanding of each other's pain. Harm smiled and took the flowers from Mac. "Thanks, Sarah." he quietly answered

"Go ahead Harm, Take all the time you'll need. I'll be waiting for you back under the tree." Mac turned and slowly walked back to the bench under the elderberry tree.

Harm stood at Tom Boone's grave and recalled: 'CAG, you were a man I respected, at times, the father I never had. I remember the time, of that gleam in your eye, how proud you were of me. Maybe, I was the son you never had. You know, Mom always had the highest respect for you, I know she'll mourn your passing.' Harm wiped the moisture that built around his eyes and went on. 'I need to thank you for watching out for my dad that day, for going back, for risking your life in that crazy war. I'm sure my father would have thanked you, if he knew.' Harm bent down and placed a few flowers among the others. "You'll always be a part of here.", he pointed to his heart and whispered, "You'll always have a special place in my heart."

Harm began to move along the rows, he noticed some of the soldier's names and the wars they fought. Memories of Luke, Roscoe, Tess and so many others he flew with returned- guilt, regret, sadness. He marked his memories as he placed a few more flowers beside the headstones. Up the gentle hill, he strolled. "Guilt", he muttered to himself. Thoughts of Jordan returned: her smile, her laugh, the way she knew him so well. Harm let out a deep sigh, swallowed hard and removed a yellow rose from the bouquet. He stood in front of the granite stone of a young WWI infantryman, he placed the yellow rose on the ground. "Jordan, this is for your youth and laughter. How I miss your laughter." Harm mused wistfully to himself-too little, too late.

Harm climbed the hill that overlooked Section 9 and gazed out over the landscape. There was a clear blue sky, not a cloud around and one could see for miles. That view was lost for Harm, all he could see was the image of his father- young. strong, fearless. "Dad? I hope you're proud of me.", he blurted out loudly into the crisp air. "I didn't know you long enough to know. Someday I hope to have a child, maybe a son. I'll give him all the good memories you left me, Dad. and raise him, maybe a her, to respect all that we fought for." Harm reached into his pocket, pulled out a shiny brass penny and placed on the headstone of a World War 2 Air Force pilot. "Hey! Dad, this is for luck!

Harm traveled further up the hill. As he neared the crest, he saw a single marker and walked towards the location. He read the inscription, the interred was an Army nurse and memories of Diane returned. Harm heaved a heavy sigh, "Diane, you were the love of my youth. The plans we had-the way things change. Would we have made it? Dunno, guess I'll never know."

Harm focused on speaking to the ground before him. "Dianne, let me go. Release me from this grief that's kept me a prisoner, all these years. All that we shared, the love, the dreams, Diane, let me move on." Gradually, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Finally, they both found peace.

Harm turned and looked back over the path he walked, in the distance he saw Mac. His Sarah, who waited patiently for him-to find himself, to say one last goodbye. His heart filled with a new kind of love for the woman who stood beside him all these years.

Quickly, he moved down the hill. Time was too precious now. Their future began that minute. Harm had so much to say to Mac, a stern, worried look appeared on his face.

"Harm, what's wrong?" Mac noticed the fast pace of his decent down the hill, the odd look on his face.

"Shhh!" Harm reached for Mac, pulled her close and cupped his hands around her face

"I love you, Sarah, with all my heart" His lips pressed against hers, the kiss evolved, their embrace brought them closer. A few kisses later, Harm whispered "Let's go home."

Hand in hand, they returned to the SUV and drove back to D.C.

……..In the coming weeks and months, life at JAG became hectic. Harm juggled his duties at JAG with special assignments from Langley. He doggedly followed the money trail. That trail lead back to the years during Iran-Contra and deep into the gray areas of unscrupulous military contractors: indictments were issued, judgements were passed but the terrorism and greed continues to grow. The battle not over.

Mac's appointment to the bench was accelerated She became a fair but tough judge. Sturgis was promoted to a liaison position in the SECNAV's office and became an expert on Iraqi restructuring. Bud returned full-time to assist in the increase of legal cases and indictments initiated by Harm.

………Later that year, in the late afternoon on Christmas Eve, a very pregnant Sarah Mackenzie accompanied Harm to the Wall and later, a brief stop at Arlington……..

………..Every year from then on, with babies and toddlers, strollers and Game-Boys in tow. The Rabb family visited Arlington and paid homage to the heroes that were integral part of their lives .

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."

- Jacques Benigne Bossuet

finis


End file.
